


Useless

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adult Content, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Language, Sexual Themes, Smut, Talks of Self-Doubt and Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 06:21:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17054795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After a horrible fight with your boyfriend, Lucifer, you begin to let self-doubt fill your mind.  But after a heartfelt prayer, Lucifer comes to set things right.





	Useless

Everyone has that one word, or phrase, that should just never, ever be uttered in their presence.  Maybe it was something an old bully used to call you, or just a phrase that struck a chord.  But for whatever reason, anytime anyone said it to you, or uttered in context with your name, it just set you off.

 

For you, that word was useless.  Useless was the word that everyone used to put you down.  You’re useless in school.  You’re useless in sports.  Useless, useless, useless.  No matter how hard you tried, you could never get away from the word useless. So when you became a hunter you swore you would never be useless again…you would make yourself useful. 

 

To be honest, you don’t know what started the argument.  You don’t know what caused that spark.  All that you know is that your loving boyfriend, Lucifer, had uttered that one word, and that was when everything took a turn for the worst.

 

You sat there in shock as he uttered that one word, that he didn’t even realize that it was the one word that would break you.  And made your relationship crumble. 

 

He was talking about something with demons, how you were hunting them, how you almost got killed hunting one of them.  And he just, in a rage, he screamed “Wow, you are just so useless sometimes aren’t you?”

 

He didn’t mean it in the way you took it, you knew that, but it didn’t stop it from hurting.  It didn’t stop you from hearing all the times someone said that in your presence.  So…if he was going to hit under the belt, even though he didn’t know he was doing it, so were you.  

 

Rage filled your eyes as you muttered the one name you swore you would never call him.  “Whatever you say, Satan.”

 

His cold blue eyes glared back at you and you could see the hurt, the pain, and the anguish.  That the one person, the one person trusted, that he actually cared for, would call him that name.  The name that for so long had been defining him, his defining name.  Satan.  The adversary. The devil. The evil one.  And you just threw it in his face.

 

In his rage, he grabbed the nearest thing he could find, which happened to be a wine bottle the two of you had been sharing, and threw it across the room, shattering it into a million pieces…and then he was gone.  It took a few moments until the realization of what you just did struck you, and you wept. 

 

You wept for hours after that, days even.  You cried out for Lucifer to come back, you prayed to him, you told him how much you loved him, how sorry you were, how you just said it…just out of anger.  How sorry you were, you repeated it over and over again.  You muttered those three little words you hadn’t even told him to his face yet.  “I love you, please, just come back.” 

 

But he never did.

 

That was two weeks ago.  And now you found yourself in the bunker, and for the first time, in ten years, you really did feel useless. Sam and Dean were like brothers to you, which is why it was no surprise that they weren’t going to let you hunt.  You were too emotionally…distracted, to hunt. 

 

They put you on research duty, but you couldn’t seem to even do that without breaking down into tears. So instead, they went on a hunt, leaving you with Castiel. You cried into Castiel’s shoulder and you told him what had happened.  And all he could do is stare down at you and say he was sorry, sorry you felt that way.

 

But that’s not what you wanted…you didn’t want someone to feel sorry for you, you just wanted Lucifer back.  So that night, you laid down in bed and sent out another prayer, just like you had done every other night.  And you put your all into it, cause you knew if you could just talk to him, see him again, explain everything…maybe, just maybe, you could fix this relationship. 

 

So you sent out your prayer.  You told him what you did that day, how you felt broken without him, how you felt so…useless.  Your silent prayer spat out that word like it was venom in your mind.  Useless.  Once again, your mind ran through all those times somebody had called you useless.  Your mother when you brought home a D/F slip, “You’re useless at school.”  Your father, when you came home with a broken arm from gym.  “You’re useless at sports aren’t you?” 

 

All the times people called you useless, teachers, hunters, everything.  Your mind drug up every instance you felt it, when you would be alone, after you lost somebody, after somebody died after you should have been their because you were just so God Damned useless. 

 

And then you realized, in that instance.  “God, I really am useless.  I couldn’t excel in activities, or academia, I suck at hunting…I’m-I’m probably the worst hunter on the face of the planet.” 

 

Your rambling went on as you let your self-esteem drop, that self-doubt, that uselessness take hold.  And you curled up in bed into a fetal positon and you cried.  “I’m useless.”  You said to yourself.  “I’m useless to everyone.”  Tears washed over your face as you cried yourself to sleep. 

 

What you didn’t realize was that…that entire time, that entire rant…had been a prayer.  Prayers were finicky that way, if you didn’t actually end them, they just kept going and going until either the angel who was listening or something you said broke the connection.

 

Lucifer had heard all of your prayers, he had heard all of your apologies.  But he was just so angry that you called him that that he never responded.  Because in his mind, he couldn’t understand…if you loved him as much as you said you did, why did you call him that one name? 

 

Because he’s told you…he told you!  He told you how much he hated it, how much he hated being that person, and you just…called him it.  Out of anger?  Sure, he has gotten angry a couple times, but he didn’t think he would ever cross that line…not if it was something like that to you. 

 

But then he heard that final prayer, he realized…he already had.  He had crossed a line that was so much worse than you calling him Satan.  He felt your self-esteem drop, he felt your worthlessness, he felt how useless you felt in your life.  And he honestly never known that one soul could feel such a depression, such a loss, such a self-hatred. 

 

And as he sat upon his thrown in hell, all he could think was…What have I done?  I did this…that’s why she called me Satan.  I crossed that line so she crossed it too.  Granted, that was no excuse…no excuse at all, and he knew that, and he knew you knew it too…but it didn’t make your pain go away.  He had gotten over the fact that you called him Satan a few days ago, he had been mulling over the idea of stopping by, but he didn’t know how.  He never really been in a relationship before, how was he supposed to fix it?

 

But after hearing your prayer, his heart ached. 

 

So he flew to you, as he felt yourself drift off into sleep, and he sat by your side and he stroked your hair, and he made solemn vow that he would never…ever even use the word useless again.

 

Lucifer watched as you slept, a not very restful sleep, but sleep none the less, and he replayed the argument over again in his mind, the part that led up to that banished word…

 

000

 

“You’ve never understood me!”  He screamed at you, his face turning red as he tried to make you see…tried to make you understand why he was so angry. 

 

“I understand you, Lucifer.  I understand you just fine!  But you can’t tell me to not hunt demons…I don’t care if they are _your_ demons, I’m a damn hunter…I have to hunt them or people get hurt!”  

 

“I don’t care about the demons, never have, you…GHAH!”  He spat out at you as he stalked around the room.  He saw you flinch as you tried to take a step back to clear your head.  He hadn’t had a chance to heal you yet, seeing you in pain made his anger spike again.  He lit into you again about how irrational you were being, careless…and then he said it… “Wow, you are just so useless sometimes aren’t you?”

 

000

 

Lucifer sighed as he felt you stir, drawing him from his mind.  You were pulling at his shirt as you yawned, probably thinking it was a blanket.  For the first time in weeks, he let a small smile cross his face as he watched your eyes flutter open and reach his. 

 

For a moment, you didn’t even seem to realize he was there, but then your eyes went wide and you began to stutter out another apology. 

 

“L-Lucifer!”  You quickly pulled yourself up and leaned closer to him. “You’re here…listen…I am so, so, so sorry.  I shouldn’t have-I shouldn’t have said that…I just…” 

 

He chuckled as he pulled your forward and gave you a gentle kiss, nothing but love and forgiveness behind it.  Your body had stiffened at first, but he then felt you relax against him, running your hands up his chest to wrap your arms around his neck. 

 

He shifted on your bed so he could roll you onto your back, giving him more leverage as he kissed you.  Yes, you did have a lot to apologize for…but so did he.  When he pulled away, he whispered a few words to you, making your eyes go wide and your heart to start pounding.  “I’m sorry as well, but please know…no matter what either of us say, I will always love you.” 

 

Your eyes filled with tears as you heard him mutter those words, those words you had always dreamed of him saying.  “I love you too, Lucifer.” 

 

He chuckled, wiping your tears away as he did so.  “I know…you told me so every night since I left.” 

 

“You heard my prayers?”  You asked innocently.  To be honest, you were beginning to think he hadn’t since he never responded. 

 

“I did…and that last one…”  He let his mind fill with the thoughts you had had as he kissed you again.  The small amount of contact was enough to send his message.  Being an archangel had its benefits sometimes.  He sent you all the feelings and thoughts he had been having over the last couple weeks.  He let you feel how hurt he was at you calling him ‘Satan’, how he eventually came to forgive you, how he considered flying to you after every prayer, but didn’t know what to say…and then finally hearing your prayer from last night. 

 

You felt his heartbreak at hearing you call yourself useless, how he flew to you and wished he could take all of those feelings away, how he swore he would never even utter that word again.  When he pulled away from the kiss, your mind was swimming with images and feelings, it was hard for you to get your bearings. 

 

“Sorry…did I overwhelm you?”  Lucifer asked as he stared down at you.

 

You opened your eyes and smiled up at him.  “A little bit…but it kinda comes with dating an angel.”  You reached up and ran your fingers through his blonde hair, enjoying the happy hum he gave you in response.  “I am so sorry, Luce.  No matter what you said, I had no right to call you that.  I know how much you hate it…I was being a bitch.” 

 

Lucifer pushed his head against your hand, seeking more contact, as he spoke.  “You shouldn’t have, but all is forgiven.  Let’s move on…that is if you forgive me as well.”  He opened his eyes as his crystal blue ones met yours. 

 

You could see the worry, the uncertainty in them.  “I never want you to feel like that, ever again.  If you do…I want you to call me, I will show you just how much you mean to me.  And I know your brothers would be saddened to hear you feel like that as well.”  He caressed your cheeks with his hand as you smiled.

 

“I forgave you the minute I fucked up…”  You joked as you pulled him in for another kiss.

 

“Then it’s settled.”  He mumbled against your lips.  He wrapped you up tightly in his arms as he muttered, “Speaking of fucking up…” 

 

The world seemed to twist and turn around you, only stopping when you landed in a new place.  Lucifer pulled back, letting you get your bearings.  It only took you a couple seconds to realize you were in your room in hell.  Yes…your room…in hell.  Lucifer made it for you so the two of you would have somewhere that was just yours, no distractions, no interruptions…

 

Lucifer gave you his trademark grin as he pushed himself off the bed, taking you with him.  “I believe the best part of making up after a fight…is the make-up sex…”  He pulled on your hip, quickly twisting you around and then gave your ass a little slap.  You fell forward onto your hands, you rear up against him as you let out an excited squeal. 

 

“Luce!”  You said as you looked over your shoulder, giggling and giving him a playful scoff.  In reality, you loved this playful side of Lucifer, he was always so full of life and joy in these moments, and to be honest…you were more than ready to make up, but it didn’t mean you still couldn’t tease him.  “I don’t think we have properly made up yet…”

 

Lucifer sat up on his knees behind you, rubbing his hands over your tight jeans and then up your body, completely dwarfing yours with his, your back hard against his stomach.  “I forgive you, you forgave me…we put it behind us…”  With that statement he gave a little thrust, making you shift forward and moan out at the feeling.  His hands ran down your shoulders and arms until his hands were laying over yours.  “But you are right…you have been a bad little human, calling me such a bad name…just out of revenge.”  His voice was light and playful, but it still made a bit of guilt twist in your stomach.  “I think you deserved to be punished.” 

 

As soon as he finished his comment, black leather cuffs attached to a black chain appeared around your wrist and then wrapped around the headboard, securing you in place.  Your heart began to pound as you felt a heat bloom between your legs.  You loved it when he would ‘punish’ you. 

 

A soft breeze went across your skin.  You looked down to realize he had just…poofed your clothes away, and from the looks of that hard cock that was hanging down between your legs…he took his away too. 

 

“It’s been too long since I have touched you…”  Lucifer said as he rose back onto his knees, pulling his cool body off of yours.  His hands slid back down your back, making you arch into him like a cat as he spoke.  “Too long since I have pleased you…tasted you…” 

 

You felt a loss of contact but then felt something warm and slick dive into your pussy.  You cried out as you felt his forked tongue work into you.  It dove into you with expert precision a couple times, then he moved his attention to your clit, running each fork over each side, stimulating you just enough to get you right to the edge but no relief. 

 

He played with you like that, no other touch than his tongue until you were begging him.  “Please…Lucifer…oh, please!”  You shifted your hips, trying to get any type of friction or just right movement, but the damn angel was always one step ahead of you, moving with your hips to keep you on edge.  You felt Lucifer hum against you before he spoke.  “Have you been a bad little human?” 

 

“GNAH!”  You knew he wanted something other than that, but you couldn’t...just…it was…”Luce, please!” 

 

You felt him pull away completely and you groaned out your protest.  “Answer my questions, be a good girl…and I’ll give you what you want…”  He gave your lower back a little kiss as he slid his hands down your ass before plunging two fingers into you pussy.  He curled them just a little to rub that special spot, making you whine and moan. 

 

“Have you been a bad little human?” 

 

“Yes!”  You screamed.  “So bad…”  You tried to pull on your restraints, but they didn’t budge.  So instead you just threw your head down to the bed and began to shift your hips again against Lucifer’s fingers. 

 

“Are you going to be bad again?”  He asked in his deep, serious voice.  Deep down, you knew he was just playing with you, but that voice made you shake.  Lucifer waited a couple seconds, but when you didn’t respond, he pulled his fingers from you and let you stay there, on your hands and knees, untouched.

 

“No…”  You managed to get out.  “I’ll be good…”  You cast him a look over your shoulder.  You were practically panting now…you had been so close, so damn close.

 

Lucifer smiled at you as he positioned himself closer to you.  You felt his large, hard cock rub against your clit and you gave a happy moan.  “Good girl…”  He cooed at you as he took a tight hold on both of your hips and then pulled you back.  He made you slide down the bed, your arms stretched out in front of you, keeping your head from the mattress, as he pushed all the way into you, making you both cry out at the feeling. 

 

“So wet, and tight for me, little one.”  He rotated his hips and threw his head back with a sigh.  “Feel so good…missed this…” 

 

“Me too…” You sighed out as you let yourself go, just let yourself feel what Lucifer was giving you.  Sex with him was always amazing, unlike anything you had ever felt.  His body was always cool…as was his cock.  It was a mix of your warmth against his coolness that made the sex even more amazing.  “I love you.”  You sighed out as he kept rotating. 

 

He leaned over you, holding himself up by putting his arms on either side of your shoulders.  “I love you too, little one.  And I’m going to show you just how much…do you want that?” 

 

You twisted around so you could see his face, capturing his lips with yours.  “Yes, Lucifer…Yes, my angel.”  His eyes darkened when you said that.  You didn’t know why, but calling him your angel during sex always seemed to make him even more aroused. 

 

“Again…”  He growled into your ear as he pulled out and quickly thrust back into you.

 

“My angel.”  You moaned as you started to pant again.  Although he was moving at a slow pace, the feeling of him inside you was just so amazing.  And after two weeks of nothing…you knew it wasn’t going to take either of you that long. 

 

“Again.”  He said more firmly as he began to increase the speed of his thrusts. 

 

“My…Gnah…My angel!”  You screamed as you heard him growl into your ear.  He brought one hand up and grabbed hold of your hip as he began pounding into you. 

 

He kept muttering your name with each thrust, right into your ear as he dominated you.  “Lucifer…Luce…yes!  Right there!”  You cried out as you began to move with him, as much as you could manage considering you were still tied up.

 

Lucifer’s words began to change from your name to whispers of love…to something in enochian.  That’s how you knew he was getting close, he always slipped into his angel language when he got close. 

 

“Take me, Lucifer.  Yes! Make me yours!”  You screamed. 

 

Lucifer was quick to pull you back against him, thrusting into you quick and hard as he attacked your neck with kisses and bites, marking you up.  You tilted your head away to give him more access.  His hand other hand came up and began massaging your breast, squeezing the nipple between his fingers.  You felt his lips, his tongue, his teeth, his hands, his cock, and you felt yourself beginning to tighten around him.  Your body was already high on the feeling, you didn’t think it was possible to feel this good while with someone.  “Lucifer…so close…” 

 

He quickly reached up and snapped the chains from the bed as he pulled out of you, making you cry out at the loss, making you feel empty.  But it didn’t last long as he quickly pulled you up and twisted you around.  He leaned back on his heels and held you over his hips as he let you sink down on him. 

 

He wove his fingers through your hair as he pulled you in for a kiss, and continued thrusting.  Only now, you were free to help him, you could move.  You wrapped one arm around his shoulder as you moved against him, letting him in deeper.  “Luce…Luce… YES!” 

 

You screamed out as that coil in your stomach snapped and you felt yourself come hard, wrapping your body around him, clawing at his shoulders and pulling him against you as you felt him pulse inside of you.  It was all you could do to hold on to him, the pleasure being so intense that it almost hurt. 

 

He gave a couple more lazy thrusts into you as he came down from his own high, and then he just settled you against his thighs.  You were gasping for air as you clung to him and you could feel his shoulders move quickly as he tried to slow his breathing.  “Lucifer…”  You whispered into his ear, making him hum in response.  “You…you’re amazing…I love you so much.” 

 

He threw his head back and smiled at you, “Good to know I can please my woman.”  He pulled you in for a kiss.  He lifted you up and laid you back on the bed, pulling you into his arms.  He kissed your forehead as you nuzzled into his chest.  “And I love you too.  Now sleep, I believe I will need to punish you more in a bit…you seemed to enjoy that too much.”  He said in a half dazed-half joking voice.

 

You smiled as you let your eyes drift closed, drifting off to sleep as you knew you were in the protective and loving arms of the archangel you loved.


End file.
